My Experience with 'How to Win Friends and Influence People"

How the First Self-Help Book helped me.

My first encounter with this book was at a bookstore in Ooty, and since then, it has greeted me noticeably at every bookstore I visit. My initial impressions of it were nothing more than “overrated” and “too mainstream”. But after borrowing it from a friend and finishing it within a week, here’s how the first self-help book helped me.

My Experiences

In mid-October, there was a function at my college for which I was involved in the organization of a seminar. The chief guest was from a highly reputed NGO active in social development; and I had the responsibility of escorting him throughout the day.

Now one of the major questions before me was - what do people who escort chief guests generally talk to them about? (to show at least minimum hospitality) This led to another question - what can I talk about in common? His work, his organization and their contribution. Suddenly a passage from the book struck my mind like a lightning flash. Before meeting any guests, Theodore Roosevelt spent the earlier night in his library reading about the person’s topics of concern. So I hopped onto Google and did just that.

On the day of the seminar, while escorting him to the Conference Room, I decided to try if this worked. I made myself speak and honestly expressed my specific appreciation for what his trust was doing. Even though I am 185% sure I said it very awkwardly, I will never forget what he did next. The next moment he took a glance at my ID card, and told me to mail my details to his colleague. I had struck gold with a simple law - Talk in terms of other people’s interest.

Now this was far from the only implementation of what I read. Another experience is from the other perspective - how do you deal with inefficient people working under you?

I was appointed as an HoD for a conference in my college. To be honest, we were in a great crunch for time. Despite numerous reminders from me and others, few of my team members weren’t working as how everyone hoped them to. Some of them even ignored my texts, while being otherwise visibly active on social media. One day, I saw one of their stories and decided to reply as an experiment. To my surprise (and horror), I received a reply within 5 minutes. Now I could’ve burst upon that person in numerous ways. There were a ton of things to criticize about and I could’ve given a good lecture on responsibility.

Instead, I tried something counter-intuitive. I started the conversation and talked about a lot of different things. That person was pretty talkative too. Then, I actually praised them about uploading such interesting things online, and that our conference could use a lot of such proactive initiatives. On this, that person actually apologized about low attendance. I saw a noticeable increase in their participation right after that.

Why’d do this?

Part 4 Rule 1 - If you must criticize, begin with praise and honest appreciation.

What I felt about the book

Overview

Published in 1936, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’ was earlier a first-of-its-kind social skills course. Many renowned personalities such as Warren Buffett have admitted to have completed the Dale Carnegie course.

Divided into 4 sections, this book targets improving social interactions in major fields of life - workplace, social, relational : formal as well as informal. Efficiency in Communication, Public Appeal, Negotiation and Leadership are the broad aspects this book touches upon.

My Opinion

I think this is a brilliant book. Supremely practical, easy to understand and easier to integrate. Why? Dale Carnegie’s simple advice throughout this book, such as “Smile”, “Be genuinely interested in other people”, “Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view” or “ask questions instead of giving direct orders” - all of them are basic communication fundamentals that we forgot along the way. These simple reminders make a huge difference in social interactions, adding to our courtesy, approachability and persuasion.

An important such wake-up call was : There are two people in a conversation. Don’t be too much about your own business. Give the other person their deserved importance.”

Another factor is, these tips classify as a crude approach to ‘behavioral studies’. Carnegie himself mentions of “poring over hundreds of magazine articles, writings of old philosophers, new psychologists and the biographies of countless eminent personalities”. The conclusions of thorough study are lucidly conveyed through examples of leaders as well as common people, hence they become easier to relate and understand.

Something that I would like to point out, would be a word of caution. Some tips in this book fall into the category of “people-pleasing”. Now, I agree that being a respectful and decently agreeable person is necessary to maintain social relationships, but this does not mean being socially likeable just for the sake of sustaining them. The thin line between praise and flattery, skilled persuasion and manipulation, agreement and insincerity - is very easy to cross. Personally, I would recommend against overly practicing any tip. Take it with a pinch of salt.

Conclusion

Overall, this is one of the most brilliant books I’ve read. My word of advice, don’t read it once and keep it on your shelf. Numerous successful people have done what I am about to suggest now.

Keep the book in an obvious spot (eg. your work desk), and keep reading small parts of it every single morning. Not only does this serve as revision for the book’s content, but also inspires you to make better social interactions a practice.

“The best effect of any book is that it excites the reader to self activity” - Thomas Carlyle.

This is exactly what “How to Win Friends and Influence People” does. So why not use it to your benefit?

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If you've read this book, let me know how you felt about it!

Also, comment below what book you’d like me to review, and I’ll be sure to do it!

Thank you for reading, and I hope you have a wonderful day.

Signing off,

The Flux.